It’s been a while since I last gave a proper update. There’s not a lot to report, I am still in fact a single mother, and I don’t have all that many confessions. But I do have news.
A few weeks go I auditioned for a small part in a play at my local theatre. I’d only just joined the theatre the week before and was not expecting to get anything. But I did. I got the part. I couldn’t quite believe it.
Me on the phone to the director: “NO WAY….NO WAY…YOU ARE JOKING.”
He might as well have told me I’d just got the lead in a major blockbuster, I was that thrilled. And shocked. And, well…happy.
I ran into Maia’s bedroom telling her and Grandma my exciting news.
Maia: “Mummy, why are you screaming?…”
I haven’t performed on a stage since I was fourteen so this is sort of a big deal. I didn’t really think about it much when I auditioned, I knew I’d talk myself out of it. I didn’t even consider the fact that I might forget the words or mess something up or suffer stage fright and collapse in a fit of hysteria backstage….I just went for it. Sometimes that’s the only way to do it. – Not think too much and just jump in. (Famous last words..)
The real big jump this year is Maia starting Nursery school. She starts in two weeks and I can’t quite get my head around the fact I’ll be leaving her with.. Well…people I don’t know for a few hours each day..I’ve only ever left her with my parents or her Dad in the past.
I attended a new parents evening a few weeks ago that helped put my mind at ease. – sort of… These women knew what they were doing. Some were mothers themselves, and they all spoke with warmth and a genuine sense of “we know how hard it’s going to be for you, leaving your child with us, but we’re here for her, you can trust us..”. They may feel like strangers now but I know over the next few months they will become some of Maia’s role models.
I’m not too sure how I’ll be feeling on the day but I know if there are any tears they are more likely to come from me. Maia can’t wait to start. (And I’m not really surprised, as entertaining as I aspire to be for her, the poor child’s probably bored of the sight of me).
We’ve been mentioning ‘school’ a lot and the fact she’s going to make lots of new friends. I have a feeling she’ll love it but part of me does think she’ll have a little shock when she turns around and Mummy’s not there. I just hope she doesn’t get too worked up. They did say they would call if the child really was getting distressed. Oh god please don’t let her get distressed. Once she has her mind made up about something that’s that…
Nope, no, she’ll love it. All those toys and games and lots of other tiny humans to interact with.. It’s literally one of the best times of your life.
So why am I so worried?
*Oh, just because she’s my one-and-only-precious-little-darling-baby-girl who I’ve been with, nurtured and nursed nearly every day since her birth.- The centre of my universe and entire reason for being. – Who I’m now leaving in the care of…. Some lovely women I only just met…
I know I have to learn to trust these people. It may take some time. I can so do this.
Current status: Single, mostly contented SAHM
Career thoughts: Very possibly: Journalism/something in Art or Textile Design/Teaching/…Counselling (one day when I’m old and wise).
Much less likely but still highly desirable: Something in Drama
Sugar-Free Days: TWELVE. TWELVE WHOLE DAYS PEOPLE…
Life experience: Exhausted but WINNING.