“You know if you want to fit everything in, all you have to do is get up earlier, when I was at school, I’d get up at 4:30, prepare everyone’s packed lunches, finish my homework and study for exams, you’re always fresher in the morning…”.
..”No Mum, you’re always fresher in the morning..”.
The Happiness Project has begun and seven days in I can’t say I’m feeling any different, just more aware of all my flaws and the difficulty of changing them. (Let’s face it this whole process is an attempt to make me a better person, and consequently happier..But the crappy part of me JUST DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE.. It wants to stay AVERAGE FOREVER!!).
I have four main resolutions for January:
1.) Save Money. – Literally in every way possible. Make sandwiches instead of going to Pret a Manger *weeps*, never buy bottled water again, carry around a good litre or two (no it’s not unrealistic at all..), stop buying notebooks –YOU HAVE ENOUGH NOW-, stop buying magazines you don’t have time to read, buy the cheapest toilet paper instead of the nice soft stuff; learn to really economise, CUT BACK. God those words are horrible.
2.) Get up/go to bed EARLY. This is a big one. If I can crack the 5:30 start I feel I’ll really be on to something. Imagine what I could fit in to the 2-3 hours before Maia woke up. That’s a whole 14-21 extra hours a week. – That’s nearly a whole extra DAY. I’m literally CREATING time. Writing, reading, Maths revision (I’m taking some exams this year), Yoga.. I could finally learn how to meditate.. And watch the sunrise.. It’s a whole new part of the day just waiting for me. WELL I’M COMING.
3.) Control my Temper. This makes me sound like a crazy person. I’m not that bad… But when I am, the crazy is usually directed at my mother. We are in many ways the same person just thirty years apart. When we argue it’s always about petty little things, but often hurtful words are exchanged, I cry like a six year old then everyone feels like s***. There’s lots of sulking. It’s just not worth it. We’re not ten. So I’m being a mature adult and putting an end to our bickering. I don’t quite know how I’m going to do this yet. I thought perhaps when I know she’s in a bad mood, just NOT TALKING might help. Often it’s a case of always wanting the last word.. Maybe next time I sense a conversation becoming a debate I’ll let her have the final say. *Ergh I feel irritation simmering through my veins already. Clearly this resolution will be harder than I first thought.. That woman can be TRICKY*.
4.) Enjoy my food. What this means is don’t ever regret anything. If I’m going to eat a muffin, enjoy every mouthful and don’t regret it. There will be no “ergh why did I eat that muffin.. I didn’t need that muffin..I CAN SEE IT PILING ON MY STOMACH ALREADY, LOOK RIGHT THERE… ERGH”. Nope, none of this self-hate bollocks. If I can’t love my body now, in the PRIME OF YOUTH, then when will I?! Enjoying my food also means MINDFUL EATING. This means slowing down and appreciating every bite, the smell, taste, texture..The days of wolfing down my food like a baby gorilla are over. Time to take my time. Eating is such a happy experience, not to be rushed.
So there we are, four resolutions and one stubborn Mummy (stubborn in the sense it will take far more than some meditation and the promise of a beautiful sunrise to get me out of bed at 5:30.. hence why we call this a long term Project..). One week in and I’m enjoying my food, saving money and have had significantly less show downs with my mother. The going to bed early still needs some work. I’m feeling optimistic; I can just see the crappy average part of me melting away and in it’s place a determined, focused early riser with healthy eating habits and a calm collected temperament. It’s good to have these goals. – However unrealistic they may be.
*I’ve also decided as part of The Happiness Project to try and take a photo a day of anything that makes me smile; today it was Maia of course. (This was before she started shouting “CAAAAAR CAAAAAAR” for me to hurry up and get in the car..)