What was I thinking? Seriously?!..
My goals seemed straightforward. But two weeks in and it turns out something as rudimentary as going to bed early; NOT THAT EASY. That Sh*t takes some restraint.- Especially when Maia’s bedtime routine is turned upside down every couple of weeks due to a number of factors (returning home late after various escapades to name one). It often means she goes to bed a little later than the much sought after dream goal of 7pm.
Last night it was 10pm. What am I supposed to do after 10pm? It’s a hard choice for every mother: SLEEP OR DO. Of course the rational being sleeps. But 99% of the time for me it’s DO. Do do do. And I did; till 1:30am. Sometimes I just get carried away writing, reading, watching TED talks. I’m exhausted but always so excited by the prospect of just a few hours of freedom; this time of night births another level of focus and productivity. It’s wonderful. (Weary, but wonderful). I even considered attempting to Marie Kondo my wardrobe.
Then the clock struck Motherhood; Maia woke up crying and I was reminded of my fatigue; I had to go and comfort her; with my breast. (Yes, I’m still using my breast as a pacifier. No, we haven’t tried the crying out method, I’m a firm believer if a child is crying; THERE’S A REASON). I am also a firm believer that if I can use my breasts for good then I should. – I’d much rather endure the stiffness that results from lying with my arm over my head in the co-sleeping fashion, than endure the sounds of her “I NEED YOUR NIPPLE MAMA” cries. She’s happy; I’m happy (and maybe a little stiff).
Saving money is not proving too challenging as I have a pretty fail –safe approach. AVOID SHOPS AT ALL COSTS. Thankfully I rarely shop online so there are no dangers there.
Am I enjoying my food? – Most days. I actually tried going dairy free on Monday, but that was sadly short lived and lasted only till Tuesday afternoon. When you’re repeatedly pouring Semi-Skimmed cow’s milk over your daughter’s cereal – which is almost incomparable to the runny Oat Milk alternative- and every time end up finishing her left overs and enjoying them far more than your own watery substitute, you know that life’s too short and you should enjoy the milk. – (And the yoghurt, and the cheese).
Have I controlled my temper? Actually miraculously yes. I’ve held my – evidently sometimes poisonous- tongue a number of times this week. I cannot recall a single full blown dispute; however there have been several inevitable disagreements, of which I will not document here. (Because, well, she reads this. Hey Ma!).
So whilst I may not have cracked the 5:30 start yet (I feel sleeping some time BEFORE 10pm might extensively aid this goal); I am certainly more aware of what makes me happy and what doesn’t and this in itself has to be a positive thing.
Unhelpful habits are hard to break but I’ve got familial support, self-help literature and my beloved TED talks -apparently at midnight- to keep me on track.– (On track and regrettably nocturnal). You can’t win them all.