Today was a good day. I write this because I want to be able to read this back when I have days like yesterday, which was not so good.
Without drowning you with the details, I’ll just say there were tears, from both parties and at one point Maia actually asked “Mummy? Some-Ting Wong?” at which point I wiped my eyes, pulled my shit together and replied “No darling, Mummy just had something in her eye..a little something called self-pity”.
I’d been having a bit of a pity party all morning. – The usual: “I hate being a single mother, how did I end up here”, “I’m such a FAILURE as a parent”, “MY CHILD HATES ME”. It only lasted a few hours and a selection of beautifully put words of encouragement from Aimy together with an invigorating jog round the block made all the difference in lifting my mood and refocusing my thoughts (as did the grilled cheese sandwich I had that evening, but this post isn’t about my comfort eating). Sometimes I just need a gentle reminder (/slap in the face) that I’m one of the luckiest people on earth. I am not the only single parent that’s ever lived, there are millions out there and they don’t get through each day by feeling sorry for themselves. They do it by remembering who is number one; THE CHILDREN.
It’s okay to have a pity party, but from now on it’s allowed to last approximately 10 minutes before I must change the channel, one tear may be shed before I must dry my eyes and if I need to put something in my mouth let it be something small like a satsuma, I can’t tell you how bloated I felt after consuming an entire cantaloupe melon whilst holding back my tears.
Today I was reminded why I love being a stay at home mother. On Wednesdays we go to two Toddler classes, the appropriately named Happy House and the forever joyful Music with Mummies. They’re the highlight of Maia’s week and it always brightens my day to see her in her element, dancing and singing to songs that aren’t in the UK Billboard top 100 – ( music really helps to wake me up so this is really our soundtrack getting ready each morning). We then had Aimy over for lunch, Maia adores Aimy. Sometimes when I’m on the phone, she’ll assume it’s Aimy and demand to talk to her. The other night she got it into her head Aimy was downstairs “Aimy Down-Tairs?” “Er, no sweetheart Aimy’s at her house..” “NO! AIMY DOWN-TAIRS!!…. I’M COMING AIMY!!!”.
Later we met up with friends Kerry and Kate at the park with their little boys, similar age to Maia. We chatted about how things are going trying to raise these little humans, the potty training and sleep schedules, the fun stuff. I do love these little meet ups, I yearn for the conversation, well any conversation really. (Conversations with Maia are magical but at this stage they only really go so far, though she never fails to make me laugh or surprise me).
It’s also comforting to be reminded that my child is no different to any other in that they all have tantrums, many – like Maia- will always want to climb UP the slide and no child will ever voluntarily want to leave the park of their own accord (certainly not Maia, who only stopped crying “PAYGOUND!!!” when I said I’d get her a surprise in Tesco, which materialised as a chunk of wholemeal bread, which later got thrown on the floor, either way we made it out of the park).
So the outings of today made up for the pity party of yesterday. I’ve learnt sometimes all it takes is a few kind words or a conversation with someone who knows exactly what it’s like battling with a person who is so young, so little, yet so dominant. “NO MUMMY!!!!” rings through every mother’s ears at some point, and this I have to remember. – But however hard it is to hear NO, I still get this surge of joy every time I hear the word Mummy.
That’s exactly what I always remind myself, better to be alone than unhappy as a couple, I’m so much happier now, and I have moments of feeling guilty/annoyed at him and myself but I know as long as she’s ok that’s all that matters! My guilt won’t solve anything..
Thank you so much for your comment and your kind words,
Sending lots of positivity to you and your little one! xxxxx we’re definitely the lucky ones 🙂