Confessions of a Single Mother: Those Lovely Weirdos

Well hello Easter. You’ve come quickly this year. I’m currently sat battling the urge to finish the chocolate rabbits Maia opened yesterday. Easter is a magical time for children, but not so much for those fighting mild sugar addictions like myself. I have to try and keep in mind that those adorable Lindt Bunnies are the enemy, the truly delicious enemy.

March has come and nearly gone, but not without its wonderful highlights. Firstly, I ran 10km at the gym the other day and I’ve finally learnt to at least try and meditate in the shower, or, well, apply my shampoo mindfully. (Whilst I still can’t sing in the shower, I began using the time to worry about my future career prospects, before deciding this would be the ideal time to try and practice some OHMMMM.) 

My main highlight: cousins Rachel and Steve coming to stay for the week. We have a lot of fun. – Their kookiness compliments mine perfectly. There’s usually a pub lunch, a visit to some lovely little village I’ve never heard of, a day out in London, and lots of food. This week was no different.

It started with a semi-day out in London, we visited my cousin at his flat in Bermondsey, then had a wander round the area. I’ve loved visiting London since I was little, and still get as excited as I did then. The people, (the clothes), the buildings, the buzz. We had our first celeb spotting of the week. – Steve saw Gregg Wallace (from Masterchef) walking into Sainsburys, Rach and I chased him inside, to find him at the ATM just outside the store. Still in awe that people on TV actually exist in real life; I suggested asking for a photo but we chickened out last minute, we didn’t want to be those people. – He was clearly in a hurry to get his cash and go. A celebrity getting cash out of an ATM like a normal person? How exciting.

As well as playing tourist in London, we also had our usual pub lunch, this time in the gloriously named village of Brightell-Cum-Sotwell ( Okay how can you NOT find this name highly amusing. CUM… Why would they spell it like that?! This made my day.)

I’ve learnt, when dining out with Rachel and Steve, just to always have whatever Steve’s having. Steve orders a pie: ORDER THE PIE. Steve thinks the burger looks good? Burger it is. I’d suffered meal-envy too many times; whatever I ordered just didn’t compare to whatever Steve had on his plate. Some people just know what’s good.

DAY 5 and after their usual six mile run, we decided on a short stroll around the block.

-“Where are we going?”

-“Just to Morrisons”..

*at Morrisons* -“Where to now?”

-“the Italian store opposite Sainsburys..”

-“But That’s MILES away!!”
I’d never walked to Sainsburys before from home – it’s in a whole other town– but good company and some dildo jokes made the journey go that much faster. They told me about the time they saw a live sex show in Amsterdam, I told them about my latest Tinder horrors.

You’d think after a five mile walk we’d be ready for a sit down, but no no.  Rach had booked a table at The Ivy in London. I was very excited, I’d washed my hair and was wearing something other than jeans for once. But our train was delayed, for some this would be a frustration, for Rachel, it was an unthinkable nightmare. (She wanted maximum time in the Ivy, and failed to hide her angst. We played The Game (basically scattergories) as a distraction; it worked, annoying only a handful of commuters along the way..)

Thankfully it wasn’t delayed by much, but this didn’t matter. There was not a minute to lose at The Ivy! So we ran. Not all the way, but a large chunk of the way from Waterloo station, across the bridge and a few yards, we had to slow down as I’m not nearly as fit as them, plus the thought of turning up all hot and sweaty was displeasing. -Together with my dirty boots and Rach’s hole in her tights- we’d look like tramps.

The run itself went something like this:

Me to Rachel: “RUN BITCH RUN!!!”
Rachel to Steve: “COME ON BIG BOYYYY!!!!“