Confessions of a Single Mother: BASIC HUMANS NEEDS

Two club bars, a Caramel Frappucino and a chocolate chip cookie. -That was the final straw. I was DONE eating like a 14 year old boy. 

Whilst confessing all my retail sins – such as paying full price for a pair of jeans from Topshop I’ve only worn a handful of times (the shame; ah but it feels so good to let that out) – I felt the need to confess some other sins; like my dietary ones.

I am Angie, a human being, clothing lover and sugar addict. 

I knew it had become a problem when I began on the Orios. I’d eaten half the pack. I quickly ran downstairs and gave the rest of the pack to my Dad, begging him to keep them from me and if I asked for them NOT to tell me where they are. That morning I’d had two pan-au-chocolats…and a hot chocolate. What was going on? Was this the start of some sort of weird masked binge eating disorder? Or was I just always a really hungry Mummy continuously reaching for the wrong food? (Latter, we’ll go with the latter folks). 

So in the spirit of giving things up for more happiness; I knew what to do. It was simple; reduce my sugar consumption. This would feel good. It would be easy. After all I am a mature, rational, self-disciplined adult with a healthy mindset and an average stomach. I only had to stop munching on granola in the afternoons, cut out the hot chocolates I often had at breakfast, and that bowl of cereal at bedtime…(I have an affinity for all carbohydrates; they are by far my favourite food group). 

With great determination and what I thought was strength (it was naivety), I tried BEING GOOD. Nothing major but simply to give the process a name I called it a detox. The word itself is satisfying, I felt I was being cleansed of all my calorific sins… A detox? It was anything but. My problem was worse than I’d thought. Breaking the bond was tougher than I’d imagined. If there is chocolate in the house and I know about it, it WILL be consumed. Not all at once; but that’s dependent on my mood. Good mood? Smile and get on with things. Bad mood. SULK AND EAT THINGS.

Determined not to give up; I’ve now begun creating sweet healthy alternatives to junk. (Spirulina Bites, that sort of thing..All very Deliciously Ella..) But oh how I love junk. In all its shapes and sizes. Mmmm I can just taste the croissants my Mother will no doubt buy in the morning. DAMN IT MOTHER. 

How does this relate to clothes? Well actually there is quite the link. If I keep purchasing Orios and going through them in such haste; half my wardrobe will cease to fit. I know what you’re thinking. Hush Now Miss Fast Metabolism. Well actually; I used to be really quite the chubster. Now I exercise. When I don’t; it’s noticeable ( so noticeable my Mother feels the need to point it out and occasionally say “STOMACH IN” when she’s taking my outfit photos. I just love it when she does that. Though actually it’s helpful as otherwise I look bloated and we have to re-shoot..) This alone is enough to make me want to eat healthily. Like the other day when I had celery with my lunch. Celery. After five days of eating celery with my lunch I can still say it tastes so very blehhh. But I will keep trying, because that’s what healthy people do. They eat things that are good for them and train their taste buds to like things that taste, well, blehhh.

So after weeks of trying to BE GOOD, I can say with deep sincerity I will never, in this life, attempt to deprive myself of refined sugar again. For these self imposed rules only make me yearn for such delicacies even more. Any detox, diet, or ridiculous special juicing cleanse I ever go on will involve chocolate, and that chocolate will make me happy. Because I am a healthy, happy human with basic human needs. (For, y’know Cadbury’s..) Depriving the female body of refined sugar just doesn’t work; when a woman needs a biscuit; you give her a biscuit…Then perhaps gently offer her a banana.