CONFESSIONS · LIFE

Confessions of a Single Mother: Loving Myself a Little More

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By loving yourself a little more, would it make you a better or worse person?
There’s nothing to be lost from doing so. The world would be a very different place if everyone that didn’t love themselves enough, did so a little more.

Loving yourself can be described (by essentiallifeskills.net…) as:

“To have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance. It does not mean being arrogant, conceited or thinking that you are better than anyone else. It means having a healthy regard for yourself knowing that you are a worthy human being.”

 

I’ve often been told I need to be “a little kinder to myself” or to “give myself a break..”..So this week I made a conscious effort to – without it sounding naff – LOVE myself a whole heap more.

5 ways I have been loving myself a little more this week:

1. NOT BEING A DICK TO MYSELF
Showing myself a little more compassion. Mentally being more aware of the unhelpful negative-thoughts of not being good enough and either ignoring them or telling them to fuck right off. (I then tell myself not to be a dick. I figured if someone was a dick to me, I’d either ignore them or tell them to fuck off, so I treat my unwanted thoughts the same way).

2. LEARNING HOW TO EAT

We come into this world as little bundles of joy, balling our eyes out; we are born loving ourselves. We don’t care what people think, we don’t judge ourselves, we don’t worry we’re not good enough. We just are and we instinctively know how to do things like be present in the moment and communicate our needs effectively. We even mastered the art of eating at a young age only to lose that skill in the busyness of adult life, now we eat whilst watching TV or holding a phone. We often forget we’re even eating as we’re doing it. I’ve been learning how to eat more mindfully recently with the help of Buddhist Monk and Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh.

3. PRACTICING MEDITATION

I have been trying to meditate on and off for about five years. For about six days last month I actually sat down for 20 minutes a day, closed my eyes, and did my version of meditation. I wasn’t able to clear my head for the entire period, but I didn’t worry about anything, and as my thoughts wandered, I kept bringing them back to the present, to my breathing and to random images of say, a candle or a cloud. I felt calmer and clearer after each session and  loved myself a little more for committing to it for those few days.

4. EMBRACING ALL THE BEAUTY SHIT 

I don’t really like spending too much time on hair and beauty. Nails, eyebrows, make up. – Beauty in general- there are other things I’d rather be doing. However I do love the feeling after I’ve done my make up or after I’ve transformed my nails from teenage-boy to young-lady, I just get frustrated knowing at the end of the day, all my makeup has to come off, and in 3-4 days my nails will chip, and for about a week I’ll walk around feeling trampy because I have chipped nails. It’s the maintenance I can’t handle. Eyebrow maintenance. Leg hair. Body hair in general.- Even haircuts. Hairdressers recommend every 6-8 weeks… It’s been a year and no one seems to have noticed.

Women have to battle against their own biology day in day out “must not let hair grow back here, here or HERE”. It’s frickin exhausting. How come men can have leg hair and women can’t. How come men can have hairy armpits and women can’t…

This week I decided to embrace all things beauty and just paint my damn nails, put some lipstick on, trim my fringe and remind myself that it’s a multi-billion pound industry for a reason, because it helps women love themselves a little more. And it worked. I remembered how much – pre-Maia- I used to actually love painting my nails and buying new make up. I even used to pay to get my haircut several times a year but I can’t quite bring myself to do that again yet. I spent time moisturising instead of rushing, there’s something about rubbing moisturiser all over your naked body that just screams “I love you body…thank you for being so good to me you nice soft leg, and tummy, and back, and bum, and arms, thank you for all you do my trusted skin, love you”.

5. BEING MAIA’S BESTIE 
In showing Maia how much I love and appreciate her on a daily basis, (not only literally with words and cuddles, but in the time we spend dancing and playing and being silly together), I feel I’m also loving myself in the process. Being authentic with Maia helps me be more true to myself and being a more conscious, accepting parent helps me be more accepting towards myself. 

Being completely present with Maia allows for the space and stillness for her to say things like “Mummy, I really love you”. 

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